The Mum Effect

Happy Thursday,

Silence can be a dangerous sounds in leadership. Like that meeting where everyone nods, the project that is "fine" when it clearly falling behind. Or the mistake everyone can see but no one flags until it becomes a full-blown issue. Unfortunately, we lead in a world where people are generally reluctant to give bad news, so they don’t. Not because you are unapproachable, but because you are an authority figure. The boss. The manager. The parent. The mum. Let’s dive in.

🧠 LEARN something.

Psychologists have known for decades that people hesitate to pass on bad news to those in power. Whether you like it or not, if you are a leader, you hold power. You might not feel it, but I guarantee your people do, and that dynamic is always present in their mind. In 1971, psychologists Rosen and Tesser coined this as the "Mum Effect" to describe how individuals become less likely to transmit negative information, especially when it might reflect on them or face judgment from authority. Like little Johnny not telling his mum he broke the vase because he does not want to upset her, disappoint her, or get in trouble. The research is blunt: people soften, delay, or censor bad news altogether to dodge discomfort, conflict, or punishment. The cost is leaders unknowingly making decisions on a dangerously filtered reality.

In organisations, this gets amplified by hierarchy, performance ratings, and the subtle fear that "shoot the messenger" is still alive and well, even if nobody says it out loud. We know that deep psychological drivers like discomfort, judgment, and self-presentation concern the person delivering the bad news. But research also spotlights one leader-controllable lever that we can do something with, it’s the "surprise gradient". This is your unconscious, often negative, reaction to bad news. Micro-expressions, vocal shifts, or even silence signal threat or disappointment faster than words. A neutral face or sudden quietness feels worse than anger sometimes. But leaders can own this moment by narrating it out loud ("That stings a bit, but I am glad it is out now"). Flatten that gradient, reward the truth-teller, and turn silence into your sharpest source of clarity.

🤔 REFLECT on an idea.

Heifetz, a leading researcher in adaptive leadership, spent his career arguing that leadership is less about having answers and more about creating the conditions where the real, often uncomfortable, picture can surface. If your people are editing reality before it reaches you, you are not avoiding risk, you are concentrating it.

😊 SMILE a little.

Silence from your team is a bit like silence from your toddler in the other room.
It rarely means “everything’s fine.”

✅ DO IT to get results.

Before we take action, note this: I am not asking you to suppress emotions or always channel a rational mind. Real leaders feel things and that’s human. This technique just contains it. So next time bad news lands, narrate your reaction out loud followed by positive affirmation to help reinforce truth-telling behaviours. For example:

• "That stings a bit, but I am glad it is out now."

• "This lands hard, yet I am grateful it is on the table."

• "Makes me uneasy, but I value you naming it first."

• "I am disappointed this slipped through, but thanks for flagging it early."

• "That sparks some anxiety, still glad you are transparent."

Do it until it becomes habit, and soon enough your team will start to pick up on the same and you will move your culture from silence to candour.​

🌱 How we can support you and your team.

We provide strategic leadership solutions tailored to align with your business strategy, size, and budget. We can support your with:

• 1:1 Leadership and Performance Coaching

• Team Coaching, for high performing teams

• 1:1 Health & Lifestyle Coaching for busy stressed leaders.

• Workshops, offsites and team development.

• Or our flagship individual Leadership Coaching Programs.

Kia pai tō wiki

Kenny Bhosale

CEO & Founder, The Bridge Leaders