Liked, But Not Trusted

Happy Thursday,

If I say out loud that people pleasing is not leadership, most of you would agree, I am sure. Heck, you could even say it’s a bit of a platitude. Now what if I say being liked is not the same as being trusted. Now there is a more nuanced conversation. In fact, it’s a low key trap that many leaders fall into, especially when leading through tough change or people issues. So let’s unplug and dive in a bit further.

🧠 LEARN something.

I have come across plenty of leaders who are charming, warm, considerate, and easy to work with. They are well liked and their team engagement survey scores show it. But when push comes to shove, and the pressure goes on, they fall out of favour. Under pressure, people don’t turn to leaders who are most liked, but instead, they turn to leaders who are most trusted. Being liked and being trusted are not the same, and if we are not careful, the feeling of ‘approval’ can get mistaken for trust. Yes, being liked can help build trust. A leader who is approachable and likeable is often easier to trust at first. But that only goes so far. If the drive to stay liked then starts shaping your judgement and decisions, then trust starts to erode quickly. This is where many leaders are caught out.

The research is pretty clear on one thing: trust in leaders depends less on how much people like you and more on whether you are consistent, honest, and predictable. People trust leaders who do what they say they will do, even when it is uncomfortable or unpopular. They distrust leaders who keep shifting the goalposts to keep the peace, or worse, do things to please, appease or be liked. The real cost of chasing likeability is that it makes your team safer and happier in the short term, but weaker and vulnerable in the long term. That is one of the worst kinds of leaders to take-over a team from. They have taken the easy path of pleasing and appeasing their way through leadership, and now you have to be the leader to rebaseline the expectations and build the team to become strong and more resilient.

🤔 REFLECT on an idea.

Consistency is not glamorous. It is not always comfortable. But it is the signal people look for when building trust. When your words, decisions, and standards line up over time, people stop guessing and start trusting.

😊 SMILE a little.

One of them flip-flops and chases approval ratings.
The other holds the standards, and means what they say.
One wins applause, the other earns trust.
No wonder we don’t trust politicians 😂

✅ DO IT to get results.

One of the most useful frames I learned as a young leader was the saying “be hard on the issue, soft on the person.” To turn this into action, try this in one conversation this week: name your non-negotiable up front, the standard, the deadline, your expectation, or a specific behaviour. Say it clearly, pause, then follow it with something that protects and supports the person. For example: “This is the expectation, it’s not up for debate or discussion [Pause] now, how can I support you to meet the expectations that have been set for you?” This approach keeps the bar high without compromising the relationship.

🌱 How we can support you and your team.

We provide strategic leadership solutions tailored to align with your business strategy, size, and budget. We can support your with:

• 1:1 Leadership and Performance Coaching

• Team Coaching, for high performing teams

• 1:1 Health & Lifestyle Coaching for busy stressed leaders.

• Workshops, offsites and team development.

• Or our flagship individual Leadership Coaching Programs.

Kia pai tō wiki

Kenny Bhosale

CEO & Founder, The Bridge Leaders