How to use Humour

Happy Thursday,

When was the last time your team had a proper laugh together? Not the polite chuckle in a meeting, the jokes in the open plan, or the memes in the team chat group. I mean the kind of laugh where people briefly forget to be careful, watch their language, or worry about saying the “wrong” thing. A moment where no one is editing themselves or running every sentence through a mental compliance filter. Have we lost those?

🧠 LEARN something.

Somewhere along the way, some people somewhere took it too far and workplace humour picked up a bad reputation. In our efforts to be “politically correct” and avoid offending anyone, we quietly sanitised the workplace. But the absence of humour doesn’t make us more respectful. It makes us less human and, frankly, a bit too serious. From a certain distance and perspective, almost everything is funny, and life is a play. Ironically, we’ve lost our sense of humour about humour. When a team has that rare moment of unfettered laughter, without the self-check or the fear of being “cancelled”, they are actually present, and they feel safe and included. Underneath the jokes, what people are really saying is, “I get you, and you get me.” The difference between humour that connects and humour that alienates often comes down to one thing: performative vs relational humour. A concept aligned with aggressive and affiliative humour in psychology. In short: Performative humour is about you being funny, clever, or “on.” It leans toward one-liners, sarcasm, or the punchy put-down. It’s not wrong, but when it’s the main mode, it starts to feel like a performance: “Watch how witty I am.” Conversely, relational humour is about ‘us’. It’s smaller, quieter, and woven into the moment: a wry nod at shared stress, a leader gently poking fun at themselves, a joke that includes rather than excludes. It says, “I see what’s happening here, and I’m in it with you.”

What’s interesting (and practical in application) is how humour functions as both an early-warning system and a signal of agency under pressure. When humour disappears, it’s often a sign that a team has drifted into defensiveness, fear, or threat. When playfulness and humour are present, people tend to be more curious, open, and creative. Experiments show that leaders who use light, well-timed humour in stressful situations are rated as more confident and competent, not because they’re performing, but because their tone and timing communicate, “We’ve got this.” The real question isn’t “Are you funny?” The real question is: when you use humour, do people lean in or quietly pull away? If the answer is more “lean in,” you’re on the right track.

🤔 REFLECT on an idea.

I love this because we’re living in a world that constantly pulls us into a survival mindset, from social media to ongoing pressure and uncertainty. Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do under stress is share a moment of lightness, because laughter can shift us out of survival and back into perspective, connection, and possibility.

😊 SMILE a little.

I’m going to do something I haven’t done since this newsletter started 1y and 3m ago. I’m going to include a short clip in our Smile section. Enjoy! Clip credit: Utopia (ABC TV series, Australia). Worth a watch if you haven’t seen the series. Watch 2min Clip Here 😂

✅ DO IT to get results.

Humour, a bit like comedy, is highly subjective. So you can’t really tell people what’s funny and what’s not funny, or police what they say. You want people to start developing the situational awareness and confidence where they can use humour without being scared. This is a learned habit, and one of the more effective ways to start encouraging this behaviour is to praise (laugh along with, nod, etc.) relational humour, and discourage performative humour. People will pick up the cues, and you will start to see this distinction happen in practice, and see the shift.

🌱 How we can support you and your team.

We provide strategic leadership solutions tailored to align with your business strategy, size, and budget. We can support your with:

• 1:1 Leadership and Performance Coaching

• Team Coaching, for high performing teams

• 1:1 Health & Lifestyle Coaching for busy stressed leaders.

• Workshops, offsites and team development.

• Or our flagship individual Leadership Coaching Programs.

Kia pai tō wiki

Kenny Bhosale

CEO & Founder, The Bridge Leaders