How to be more Assertive

Happy Thursday,

Ever found yourself biting your tongue in a meeting, only to stew about it later? Or speaking up… and instantly worrying you came off as harsh, bossy, or “too much”? You’re not alone. The line between assertive and aggressive is thin—but critical. Let’s unpack what separates the two, and why learning to walk that line is one of the most underrated leadership skills out there.

🧠 LEARN something.

Many leaders these days struggle to be assertive; not because they lack knowledge, insights, or competence, but because they’re worried they will be perceived and labelled as being aggressive, or even authoritarian. Being assertive is not the same as being aggressive. In fact, assertiveness is a ‘must-have’ for effective leadership in a real-world leadership environment. It helps you build respect, set direction, maintain healthy relationships, resolve conflict, and strengthen your leadership presence. When you move into more senior roles, your inability to be assertive amongst your peers or in the face of pressures from above doesn’t just impact your own work, it affects your team and the results of your entire department. So how do you become more assertive, without risking being aggressive?

There’s plenty of ‘academic literature’ out there on what makes a person come across aggressive; like tone, posture, body language, vocal harmonics, and even facial ratios (…the last one cracks me up, because it’s not like you can change your facial ratio you are born with it?!). It’s fascinating stuff, but not useful in day-to-day leadership practice. So let’s keep it simple. There’s one thread that runs through all the research (and my own experience as a leader) that gives us a practical way to tell the difference between assertiveness and aggression: RESPECT FOR BOUNDARIES. Put simply, Assertiveness means confidently expressing your thoughts and needs while still respecting others’ boundaries. Aggression, on the other hand, seeks dominance, crossing the line and often creating unnecessary conflict. In short, assertiveness protects your boundaries without violating anyone else’s. If you can master that balance, you will get results; and the good news, it’s not just your personality style, it’s a leadership skill you can learn and develop, like anything else in leadership.

🤔 REFLECT on an idea.

People are less likely to cross your boundaries if you’ve already made them clear through consistent behaviour. Assertiveness isn’t just one conversation; it’s your presence before, during, and after the moment that counts.

😊 SMILE a little.

Ahh yes, the classic leadership move:

Swallow your thoughts, smile politely, spiral later in the car, and then let it all out when you get home and tell your spouse all about what you should have “really said” to Kevin in that meeting this morning. 😂

✅ DO IT to get results.

Leadership starts with self-awareness and social awareness. So the next time you want to be more assertive, or you are in a situation where someone else is coming across as aggressive towards you, don’t assume. Instead, ask yourself:

• Have I made my boundaries clear to others?

• Do I understand others' boundaries?

• And am I upholding my boundaries, and am I violating theirs?

With awareness comes deliberate action. Without awareness, it’s just assumptions and misinterpretations and breakdown in communication.

🎁 Just for Subscribers.

The ability to give and receive feedback is one of the most important parts of team communication; yet many teams struggle with it. In fact, feedback is one of the most common topics we train on, here at The Bridge. So this month for subscribers, we’re offering a special 2-hour power learning workshop called “Feedback for Performance,” jam-packed with the key takeaways from our longer courses. A great option if your training budget is tight rigth now! Just reply with ‘Feedback’ to find out more.

In the workshop, we’ll cover:

• 3x reasons why feedback is essential for team performance

• 3x feedback models you can use right away

• 3x actions to make feedback part of your team culture

🌱 How we can support you.

We provide strategic leadership solutions tailored to align with your business strategy, size, and budget. We can support your with:

• 1:1 Leadership and Performance Coaching

• Team Coaching, for high performing teams

• 1:1 Health & Lifestyle Coaching for busy stressed leaders.

• Workshops, offsites and team development.

• Or our flagship individual Leadership Coaching Programs.

Kia pai tō wiki

Kenny Bhosale

CEO & Founder, The Bridge Leaders