Empathy over Sympathy

Happy Thursday,

Ever had that awkward moment when a leader says: "I know exactly how you feel." But they have no clue what you’re experiencing?

It’s not that they don’t care. They’re just using the wrong kind of empathy. This week, we’re unpacking empathy – the leadership superpower that’s often misunderstood and frequently misused. And I don’t mean the virtuous, feel-good kind of empathy, but the real and useful kind that actually improves performance and builds culture.

🧠 LEARN something.

Studies show that nearly 80% of senior leaders say empathy matters. But fewer than half of organisations actually practise it, and 55% of leaders overestimate how empathetic they really are. There’s a big gap between intention and impact. That gap often exists because empathy isn’t a single skill or mindset, but instead a mix of two fundamentally different ways of exercising empathy. Psychologists broadly break it down into cognitive empathy and emotional (or affective) empathy. Cognitive Empathy is understanding someone’s perspective without taking on their feelings. It’s the “head” part of empathy, and it helps in tough decisions and problem solving. On the other hand, Emotional Empathy is the “heart” element – actually feeling what the other person is feeling. It builds trust and connection, but if unchecked, it can be self-detrimental. Absorbing others’ distress without boundaries can lead to burnout.

Driven by emotions, some leaders will often default to Emotional Empathy because it feels nice and feels ‘right’. But in high-stakes environments, it can backfire. In fact, a 2016 meta-analysis in The Leadership Quarterly found that it was Cognitive Empathy that was more strongly correlated with effective leadership than emotional empathy, because it allows leaders to stay steady under pressure, make sound decisions, and still be attuned to others’ perspectives. Here, one isn’t better than the other. Rely too much on Cognitive Empathy and you risk coming off cold or distant. Rely only on Emotional Empathy and you may drown in your team’s stress. The real magic, however, happens when leaders can combine Cognitive and Emotional Empathy, and exercise Compassionate Empathy. It’s when you both understand and feel, but most importantly, you act or do something about it. You offer support, change a process, or make space for someone who’s struggling. It’s empathy in action. It’s practical, tangible, and gets results.

🤔 REFLECT on an idea.

This nails the leadership challenge with empathy. Empathy is not sympathy. Sympathy is a form of agreement. Empathy is not agreeing with someone; it is fully, deeply understanding that person, emotionally as well as intellectually. Sympathy keeps things surface-level. Feels good in the moment. But if you want to have impact, then you need to dig deeper. Not just feeling, but understanding, then acting.

😊 SMILE a little.

There’s nothing quite like the moment your boss looks deep into your stressed-out soul and says, “I get it.” But it’s delivered with the warmth of a office printer error message, and you think to yourself… no you don’t, you really don’t Garry. 😂

✅ DO IT to get results.

Next time you’re in a tough conversation, don’t rush to reassure or relate. Instead, paraphrase what you understand about their emotion and their perspective. Try: “It sounds like what’s frustrating isn’t the workload, but the lack of clarity around priorities. Is that right?”

It’s a small but powerful technique that helps you stay grounded while building connection. You’re not validating every feeling — you’re validating the experience. And remember, your tone and posture can express emotional empathy without needing to feel what they feel. It’s subtle, but effective. You’ll connect better, lead stronger, and stay saner.

🌱 How we can support you and your team.

We provide strategic leadership solutions tailored to align with your business strategy, size, and budget. We can support your with:

• 1:1 Leadership and Performance Coaching

• Team Coaching, for high performing teams

• 1:1 Health & Lifestyle Coaching for busy stressed leaders.

• Workshops, offsites and team development.

• Or our flagship individual Leadership Coaching Programs.

Kia pai tō wiki

Kenny Bhosale

CEO & Founder, The Bridge Leaders